Yearly Archives: 2016

“Making it” Sounds Scary…I’m Not Sure I Want That!

 in coaching  tagged anxiety / coaching / fear / follow your dreams / making it / self care / self help / stress / stress management / success by

 

By Anita Mambo Cohn, LCSW

 

You’re feeling excited about pursuing your passions and dreams! You’re working it, getting stuff done and making progress. But then your inner critic shows up.

 

She says: “Making it?” Wait, that sounds scary! I’m not sure I want that!”

I want to follow my dreams, but what will this mean? I want to be successful, but I don’t want to get too big or too overwhelmed! I don’t want people to think I’m full of myself. And I definitely don’t want to look arrogant- there’s a fine line between confident and ego obsessed…what if I’m crossing it?

 

How do you keep going even though you’re scared?

 

Remind yourself that YOU are in charge (not your fears). YOU get to DECIDE …

  • How much you want to be seen.
  • Which communities you want to belong to or connect with.
  • Whether to be a one-woman show, partner up, hire an assistant, or run your own team.
  • What priorities are important to you. Full-time, part-time, side project, you name it.
  • What success means.
  • To change your mind if the direction you are going in just doesn’t feel right.

 

Experimenting helps you figure things out, so don’t spend too much time beating yourself up about lost time. 

 

YOU get to make all the decisions about how to go about following your dreams. So get to it, and don’t let your inner critic convince you that it’s too scary!

 

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7 Ways to Slow Down and Ramp Up at the Same Time

 in coaching  tagged anxiety / coaching / self care / self help / stress / stress management by

7 Ways to Slow Down & Ramp Up-Blog

 

 

by Anita Mambo Cohn, LCSW

 

You want to slow down, focus on taking care of yourself, spend more time doing what you love, but you also long to grow and follow your dreams. Many of us get stuck in what we believe to be opposing forces that we become confused and feel compelled to choose.

Contrary to what you may be thinking, there is no need to sacrifice one for the other! It’s quite possible to do both! Here are 7 Ways to Slow Down and Ramp Up at the Same Time!

 

1. Prioritize

Ask yourself what things are taking up too much space in your life. Which are superfluous or don’t serve you. How you can let go of them. If it’s a matter of time management, pick 1-2 two tasks to start with first and don’t start any other tasks until you complete them.

 

2. Look at the year ahead

What do you want to accomplish by this time next year? You’ll be surprised to find that this simple exercise will give you clarity on where to focus your energy. I like to decide on one big overall goal for the year, and then break down action steps by season. Dividing them down into 4 chunks helps me focus on what to achieve in the winter, spring, summer and fall.

 

3. Make time for what’s most meaningful to you

Where do you want to focus your time and energy? What’s most important to you? I have found that the better care I take of myself, and the more I engage in doing things that bring me joy, the more hopeful and positive I feel about my future dreams and goals.

 

4. Worry less about what you “should be” doing

We often spend too much time and mental energy focused on the stories we’ve created in our heads of what we “should be” doing. Sometimes it’s what we believe our parents, relatives, community, partner or friends would want us to do. Sometimes it’s an expectation we’ve created about what success looks like and what successful people are supposed to do. It’s a no-win exercise that leaves us feeling dissatisfied.

 

5. Take small and measurable steps toward change

As you start taking small incremental steps, your tolerance for doing new things will get better and you’ll find that small steps get you on the path of progress. Also you’ll feel more confident simply because you are taking action.

 

6. Acknowledge the great things you’re already doing

This is a huge and important part of self-care. We often make the mistake of thinking we need to be a drill sergeant and admonish ourselves for our failings, but this often has the opposite affect. Instead of feeling motivated, we are more likely to feel worse about ourselves and want throw in the towel.

 

7. Let go of being perfect

It doesn’t make sense, but I used to think that nothing was worth doing unless it was faultless. I’ve worked hard to let go of this limiting belief and have shifted my mindset to, “Dreams are worth pursuing, even if you fail or make mistakes along the way. You’ll learn from these mishaps and they’ll help you get stronger.”

 

I’d love to hear from you! Did you find any of the tips helpful? Scroll down to share your thoughts and feedback in the comment section below.

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When Fear Knocks at Your Door

 in coaching  tagged anxiety / coaching / fear / self care / self help / stress / stress management by

fear knocks

 

 

by Anita Mambo Cohn, LCSW

 

You are getting geared up to take that step and make that change and then boom, boom, boom, you hear FEAR knocking at your door. And your stomach starts churning, and your heart starts racing, and the knocking is loud and it’s distracting. So you go to the door and you let her in, and she takes a seat next to you! And you think, “why didn’t I just tell her I was busy?”

She’s whispering in your ear, and she won’t stop talking, and you CAN’T FOCUS!

 

 

Then she starts to ask the WHAT IFs:

What if you fail?

What if you’re not good enough?

What if they don’t like you?

What if you succeed?

What if you get too busy?

What if things change?

What if you have to work even harder?

What if you don’t make enough money?

What if you don’t like it after you do it?

What if you’re not real or authentic enough?

What if you’re a fraud?

What if you are just wasting your time?

What if this idea has already been done before?

What if you’re doing exactly what someone has already done?

 

She’s taking up a ton of space and she’s hovering, and you can’t think! You’ve forgotten what excited you, and why you thought this was a good idea in the first place, and time flies by, and you feel stuck, so you take a break from this thing that is so hard. You browse social media, check your email, and you start doing the laundry and she’s still there, and now it’s dinnertime, and she wants to stay overnight.

 

“Why didn’t I tell her to come back later or to go away?” “Why won’t she give me a break?,” you ask. “What do I do now that she’s here? ”

 

Instead of trying to get rid of FEAR, what would happen if you let her stay? What if you acknowledged that she’s your friend, and she’s worried about you, and she cares and she wants to advise and protect you? And what if you were to tell her you value her feedback and that her opinion matters?

 

Why not let FEAR say her piece? Why not let her express herself so she feels her concerns are heard? Why not allow her to give you the information you may need to see the whole picture?

 

Listen intuitively, but don’t let FEAR paralyze you and silence you into submission. Keep the conversation going.

 

Tell her all reasons you’re doing this thing you want to do!

I’m inspired

I want to make a difference

I want to feel a sense of accomplishment

I want to connect with others on a deep level

I want to follow my heart

 

“Here’s what could happen if I don’t do it,” Fear, you say.

I will feel unfulfilled

I will always wonder what if

I will regret not trying

I will have to keep doing what I’m doing forever

I will stay the same

I will stay safe

I will be still

I will let be letting you control me

 

“WAIT, but you have other things standing in your way,” says Fear!

You have to a job!

You have to take care of so and so!

You don’t have any training and experience in this area!

You don’t have any time!

You’ve never done this before!

 

“Yes, Fear this is true,” you say. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t work around this!”

 

So you ask yourself how can I work around this? Perhaps, rather than pretending that there are no barriers or challenges, you could accept them as realities. And you turn them into questions that have possible answers and solutions!

 

How can I schedule time around my job?

Who can help me take care of so and so?

How can I get the training and experience I need?

How can I get support from family, friends, coworkers or community?

Hmm–wait a minute– how can I be good at something if I’ve never done it before?

 

You realize it won’t be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is! So you prepare yourself for the challenge.

 

What will I discover if I try something new?

What will I learn if I fail and it doesn’t go according to plan?

How will I grow stronger from doing something hard?

 

So the next time FEAR knocks on your door, let her in, but remind her that you’ve already heard what she had to say, you need her to hang out in the next room, and you’ll let her know when you’re ready to talk.

 

“Thanks for coming to visit,” Fear, you say, “but I’m busy right now. I am working on this thing that I wanna do and I need the space and time to do it!”

 

 

I’d love to hear from you! Scroll down to share your thoughts and feedback in the comment section below.

 

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7 Lifelong Habits to Reduce Overwhelm

 in coaching  tagged anxiety / overwhelm / self care / stress / stress management by

Blog Post #2-Final-web

 

by Anita Mambo Cohn, LCSW

 

Do you find yourself feeling overwhelmed more often than you’d like? It makes sense! We live in an age of high standards, high expectations, fierce competition, and information overload. In addition you’re busy juggling and multitasking- you’re working hard and helping or caring for others. You’re also trying to fit in self-care and nurture your passions and dreams.

 

With the advancement of technology, and the convenience of smart phones, comes constant access to the internet and social media. That means we’re much more hyper aware of what everyone else is doing around us. This can leave us vulnerable to comparison overwhelm, which further fuels, the overload we’re already feeling. While there are so many benefits to being more connected to each other, and digital platforms can help us do this more accessibly, we have to be vigilant and remember that our lives are our own and that we are ultimately in charge of how we want to spend our time.

 

Until we start to break our habitual patterns of dealing with overwhelm, it will continue to take up too much space in our lives. Fighting against this takes mindful intention and conscious effort. Studies show that meditation, moving our bodies, deep breathing, a change of scenery, and taking a break are very effective strategies for reducing overwhelm.

Here are a few additional tips that you can add to your toolbox. They will not only help you reduce the overwhelm, they will help you create new lasting habits that will change your daily life for the better.

 

  1. Say “No” Every Now and Then

Say “no” every now and then. Perhaps there are a few things, on your list, that you believe you “should do,” but feel conflicted and resentful about them. Let’s face it! It’s impossible to do everything you “want to do,” let alone everything you “should do.” Perhaps you have trouble saying “no,” because you don’t want to disappoint family, friends, coworkers or colleagues. But people who truly care about your well-being aren’t always as fragile as you think and, although they may be initially taken aback (or even disappointed), they will start to accept the boundaries you set.

 

  1. Reach Out for Support

We are wired for connection! Reaching out to others is so important when we feel overwhelmed. What is most restorative for you? Is it talking through the overwhelm and processing it with a willing friend or partner (be sure to reciprocate support in return)? Is it joining a community group or receiving support from a therapist or coach? These relationships, as well as having a forum to process, will help you get perspective on what is most important.

 

  1. Stop Playing the “Guilt Game”

You are playing the “Guilt Game” when you beat yourself up for being or feeling overwhelmed. Tell yourself that this is human and completely normal. Replace the guilt with self-compassion and practice it daily. Challenge the inner critic, whispering in your ear that you’re not “good enough.” Studies show that we are most motivated when we feel inspired rather than defeated.

 

  1. Laugh a Lot

Laughing can be a great remedy for taking yourself too seriously. Once you let yourself experience joy and lightheartedness, the overwhelm will start to subside. Try to laugh each day- play with your kids or your partner, your pets, check-in with a friend and reminisce about something fun or funny you did together. If there is no one available at the moment, turn on the music and start getting silly. This will shake things up.

 

  1. Do the Thing You’re Avoiding the Most

Do the thing you’re avoiding and procrastinating the most. Sometimes this thing can be life-changing, like “following your dream,” but sometimes it can be small, like scheduling that dentist appointment. If it’s a life-changing-thing, I suggest some simple 10-minute activities.

 

  1. Take Media Breaks

Block out 2-4 hours daily and don’t look at your phone, computer, television, newspaper, etc. Exercise, take a walk, call a friend, spend time with loved ones, nap or simply sit and daydream. Studies show that giving yourself time to process your own thoughts and present experience- without outside intrusion- actually can increase life satisfaction, and can even  increase your productivity.

 

  1. Contextualize

When we get overwhelmed, we sometimes forget that feelings are fleeting and temporary. Sooth yourself with the simple fact that there are things you can do to decrease your overwhelm and then start to access your toolbox. You have the agency to change the way you feel simply by truly believing you can make it better.

 

The more effort you make to keep overwhelm from taking over and dictating how you spend your time, the less impact it will have on you. Of course, overwhelm happens to all of us on occasion, but as you begin to actively take steps to reduce overwhelm, you will find that it will take less effort and less time to manage it. For more ideas to reduce overwhelm, try these quick tips.

 

I’d love to hear from you! Did you find any of the tips helpful? Scroll down to share your thoughts in the comment section below.

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Six 10-Minute Activities to Brighten Any Day 2

 in coaching  tagged coaching / overwhelm / self care / stress / stress management by

 

 

by Anita Mambo Cohn, LCSW

 

We have all been there. We are having one of those days! We have a big to-do list already and there is still more to add. We start to feel overwhelmed, doubt starts to seep in, and we start questioning everything. How can we get out of this cycle? Where do we start?

For me, starting begins with stopping, taking pause, reflecting and going deep. Maybe you’ve been so busy thinking about how to get it all done and this is distracting you from what’s most important. If you’re like me, tuning into my inner world and purpose helps ground me.

I have put together some brief exercises that have helped me hit the pause button, get back on track and focus on what’s really important. And guess what? They each only take 10 minutes!

 

1.) Begin the Process of Making Change

Declaring “I’m going to change my life now” and “Everything is going to be different” is so inspiring for the first hour or two. But what happens to most of us? Our heart starts racing, fear starts rising within us, we get overwhelmed, and we feel paralyzed.

Rather than vowing you’re going to “start walking every single day,” start with a more manageable, realistic and achievable goal such as “start walking once a week, every Tuesday.” After you establish a routine and it’s become habit, add two walks per week and so on.

Create a list called “How Can I Start to Make Small Changes to Get to Where I Want to Be?” Let your ideas flow and capture some small and specific changes. Now you have a list of actionable steps to draw from! Seriously, 10 minutes!

 

2.) Do an Overwhelm Purge

For 10 minutes, write down all the things that are overwhelming you.  Then go back and circle the things that matter most. Create a new list made up of the items you circled. Recycle the original list or file it away for another day. Now you have a list of what’s most important you!

 

3.) Do a Deep Dive

Meditate on everything you are feeling for 10 minutes. You may even want to visualize yourself telling fear and overwhelm you appreciate their guidance and protection, but they can’t take over. Breathe, exhale and release!

 

4.) Repeat Your Favorite Mantra

The simple act of reciting a mantra can instantly soothe and calm you down. I like “I’m okay. Everything is going to be okay.” You have the agency to give yourself what you need when you need it! Let this empower you. It takes less than one minute!

 

5.) Walk Outside

Get outside and walk for 10 minutes. Studies show that walking is a very effective stress reliever because calming endorphins get released. I personally enjoy walking in nature because it helps me connect to something larger than myself. Enjoy!

 

6.) Feel Grateful

Write down 5-10 things you are grateful for. This simple activity can help gratitude rise from within you! We tend to focus on productivity and forging ahead. Yet taking the time to savor what we already have can change our mindset instantly. Don’t make it too complicated or overthink it. Time yourself and stop in 10 minutes!

 

After completing a Brighten Any Day Activity, reward yourself by doing something you enjoy! Play, socialize, daydream, or engage in an activity or hobby you love. Afterwards, you may find yourself feeling even better.

 

I’d love to hear from you! Did you find any of the tips helpful? Scroll down to share your thoughts and feedback in the comment section.

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