self help

How to Live with Doubt

 in coaching  tagged anxiety / coaching / doubt / fear / self care / self help / stress / stress management by

 

 

by Anita Mambo Cohn, LCSW 

 

Enter doubt! You start to feel discouraged, you are uncertain or feel a lack of conviction. You want to get rid of these feelings for good and get kick doubt to the curb forever! Can you? My take on it is NO! But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Keep reading…

Some might believe that you can rid yourself of doubt for good, but we are in fact creatures of emotion. I’m going to be real with you and tell you that, for most of us, doubt will not disappear forever – and that believing you’ll ever achieve 100% self-confidence is setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s not realistic, my dears to hope to live a life without doubt.

Doubt waxes and wanes, depending on our moods, our current situation, whether we’re being triggered by a past experience, whether we’re feeling challenged, or whether we are attempting something new. Even the most confident people in the world feel vulnerable and doubtful every now and then.

Having doubt is NORMAL! It makes sense for us to question and to be afraid of the unknown – it’s a way of protecting ourselves. So don’t beat yourself up for doubting. Instead, focus on taking care of yourself. Acknowledge it, feel it, cry it out, tell yourself it will be okay, stay connected to loved ones, and KEEP GOING.

 

The best way to challenge doubt is to stay in the game. It’s hard to do it, but it will make you stronger.

As we’ve discussed in previous posts, entering into unknown territory is what helps us grow, change and blossom into our best selves. Sometimes we won’t feel 100%, 75%, or even 25% assured, but that’s okay. Come to terms with this and accept that the outcome is unknown, give it a shot and, if it doesn’t go according to plan, roll with it.

 

Still need some convincing? Let’s recap what you’ll gain by doing new things. You will:

  • Learn
  • Get Stronger
  • Grow

 

Doubt is part of our journey- we need it. Questioning ourselves helps us grow, find our conviction, or change our course.

 

So why not try saying “bring it on” to doubt? Learn to live with it, and KEEP GOING. I’ll be there right alongside with you.

 

 

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“Making it” Sounds Scary…I’m Not Sure I Want That!

 in coaching  tagged anxiety / coaching / fear / follow your dreams / making it / self care / self help / stress / stress management / success by

 

By Anita Mambo Cohn, LCSW

 

You’re feeling excited about pursuing your passions and dreams! You’re working it, getting stuff done and making progress. But then your inner critic shows up.

 

She says: “Making it?” Wait, that sounds scary! I’m not sure I want that!”

I want to follow my dreams, but what will this mean? I want to be successful, but I don’t want to get too big or too overwhelmed! I don’t want people to think I’m full of myself. And I definitely don’t want to look arrogant- there’s a fine line between confident and ego obsessed…what if I’m crossing it?

 

How do you keep going even though you’re scared?

 

Remind yourself that YOU are in charge (not your fears). YOU get to DECIDE …

  • How much you want to be seen.
  • Which communities you want to belong to or connect with.
  • Whether to be a one-woman show, partner up, hire an assistant, or run your own team.
  • What priorities are important to you. Full-time, part-time, side project, you name it.
  • What success means.
  • To change your mind if the direction you are going in just doesn’t feel right.

 

Experimenting helps you figure things out, so don’t spend too much time beating yourself up about lost time. 

 

YOU get to make all the decisions about how to go about following your dreams. So get to it, and don’t let your inner critic convince you that it’s too scary!

 

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7 Ways to Slow Down and Ramp Up at the Same Time

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7 Ways to Slow Down & Ramp Up-Blog

 

 

by Anita Mambo Cohn, LCSW

 

You want to slow down, focus on taking care of yourself, spend more time doing what you love, but you also long to grow and follow your dreams. Many of us get stuck in what we believe to be opposing forces that we become confused and feel compelled to choose.

Contrary to what you may be thinking, there is no need to sacrifice one for the other! It’s quite possible to do both! Here are 7 Ways to Slow Down and Ramp Up at the Same Time!

 

1. Prioritize

Ask yourself what things are taking up too much space in your life. Which are superfluous or don’t serve you. How you can let go of them. If it’s a matter of time management, pick 1-2 two tasks to start with first and don’t start any other tasks until you complete them.

 

2. Look at the year ahead

What do you want to accomplish by this time next year? You’ll be surprised to find that this simple exercise will give you clarity on where to focus your energy. I like to decide on one big overall goal for the year, and then break down action steps by season. Dividing them down into 4 chunks helps me focus on what to achieve in the winter, spring, summer and fall.

 

3. Make time for what’s most meaningful to you

Where do you want to focus your time and energy? What’s most important to you? I have found that the better care I take of myself, and the more I engage in doing things that bring me joy, the more hopeful and positive I feel about my future dreams and goals.

 

4. Worry less about what you “should be” doing

We often spend too much time and mental energy focused on the stories we’ve created in our heads of what we “should be” doing. Sometimes it’s what we believe our parents, relatives, community, partner or friends would want us to do. Sometimes it’s an expectation we’ve created about what success looks like and what successful people are supposed to do. It’s a no-win exercise that leaves us feeling dissatisfied.

 

5. Take small and measurable steps toward change

As you start taking small incremental steps, your tolerance for doing new things will get better and you’ll find that small steps get you on the path of progress. Also you’ll feel more confident simply because you are taking action.

 

6. Acknowledge the great things you’re already doing

This is a huge and important part of self-care. We often make the mistake of thinking we need to be a drill sergeant and admonish ourselves for our failings, but this often has the opposite affect. Instead of feeling motivated, we are more likely to feel worse about ourselves and want throw in the towel.

 

7. Let go of being perfect

It doesn’t make sense, but I used to think that nothing was worth doing unless it was faultless. I’ve worked hard to let go of this limiting belief and have shifted my mindset to, “Dreams are worth pursuing, even if you fail or make mistakes along the way. You’ll learn from these mishaps and they’ll help you get stronger.”

 

I’d love to hear from you! Did you find any of the tips helpful? Scroll down to share your thoughts and feedback in the comment section below.

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When Fear Knocks at Your Door

 in coaching  tagged anxiety / coaching / fear / self care / self help / stress / stress management by

fear knocks

 

 

by Anita Mambo Cohn, LCSW

 

You are getting geared up to take that step and make that change and then boom, boom, boom, you hear FEAR knocking at your door. And your stomach starts churning, and your heart starts racing, and the knocking is loud and it’s distracting. So you go to the door and you let her in, and she takes a seat next to you! And you think, “why didn’t I just tell her I was busy?”

She’s whispering in your ear, and she won’t stop talking, and you CAN’T FOCUS!

 

 

Then she starts to ask the WHAT IFs:

What if you fail?

What if you’re not good enough?

What if they don’t like you?

What if you succeed?

What if you get too busy?

What if things change?

What if you have to work even harder?

What if you don’t make enough money?

What if you don’t like it after you do it?

What if you’re not real or authentic enough?

What if you’re a fraud?

What if you are just wasting your time?

What if this idea has already been done before?

What if you’re doing exactly what someone has already done?

 

She’s taking up a ton of space and she’s hovering, and you can’t think! You’ve forgotten what excited you, and why you thought this was a good idea in the first place, and time flies by, and you feel stuck, so you take a break from this thing that is so hard. You browse social media, check your email, and you start doing the laundry and she’s still there, and now it’s dinnertime, and she wants to stay overnight.

 

“Why didn’t I tell her to come back later or to go away?” “Why won’t she give me a break?,” you ask. “What do I do now that she’s here? ”

 

Instead of trying to get rid of FEAR, what would happen if you let her stay? What if you acknowledged that she’s your friend, and she’s worried about you, and she cares and she wants to advise and protect you? And what if you were to tell her you value her feedback and that her opinion matters?

 

Why not let FEAR say her piece? Why not let her express herself so she feels her concerns are heard? Why not allow her to give you the information you may need to see the whole picture?

 

Listen intuitively, but don’t let FEAR paralyze you and silence you into submission. Keep the conversation going.

 

Tell her all reasons you’re doing this thing you want to do!

I’m inspired

I want to make a difference

I want to feel a sense of accomplishment

I want to connect with others on a deep level

I want to follow my heart

 

“Here’s what could happen if I don’t do it,” Fear, you say.

I will feel unfulfilled

I will always wonder what if

I will regret not trying

I will have to keep doing what I’m doing forever

I will stay the same

I will stay safe

I will be still

I will let be letting you control me

 

“WAIT, but you have other things standing in your way,” says Fear!

You have to a job!

You have to take care of so and so!

You don’t have any training and experience in this area!

You don’t have any time!

You’ve never done this before!

 

“Yes, Fear this is true,” you say. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t work around this!”

 

So you ask yourself how can I work around this? Perhaps, rather than pretending that there are no barriers or challenges, you could accept them as realities. And you turn them into questions that have possible answers and solutions!

 

How can I schedule time around my job?

Who can help me take care of so and so?

How can I get the training and experience I need?

How can I get support from family, friends, coworkers or community?

Hmm–wait a minute– how can I be good at something if I’ve never done it before?

 

You realize it won’t be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is! So you prepare yourself for the challenge.

 

What will I discover if I try something new?

What will I learn if I fail and it doesn’t go according to plan?

How will I grow stronger from doing something hard?

 

So the next time FEAR knocks on your door, let her in, but remind her that you’ve already heard what she had to say, you need her to hang out in the next room, and you’ll let her know when you’re ready to talk.

 

“Thanks for coming to visit,” Fear, you say, “but I’m busy right now. I am working on this thing that I wanna do and I need the space and time to do it!”

 

 

I’d love to hear from you! Scroll down to share your thoughts and feedback in the comment section below.

 

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