fear

What’s My Why

 in coaching / life coaching  tagged anxiety / coach / confidence / doubt / entrepreneur / fear / independent professional / overwhelm / self care / solopreneur / strengths / stress / stress managment / success by

 

What’s My Why?

Do you struggle with confidence? I can relate! When I was finally ready to follow my dream of doing my own thing, I found myself weighed down with doubt and overwhelm. I was stuck with where to start and how to move forward.

During my nine years as a private practice psychotherapist, I developed a model called Harvest Your Strengths. This approach has helped hundreds of my therapy clients heal, grow and thrive.

One day it occurred me, why not share what I’ve learned about using inner strengths with women who are stuck with how to make their dream a reality.

 

I believe that everything we need to thrive is rooted deeply within us. You can use your own inner resources and strengths to follow your dreams, build your confidence, increase your resilience, and become your best self.

 

Could you use some support? We all need guidance at one point or another

You can make your dreams happen despite the fear and doubt. You can develop tools to help you push through barriers and blocks. It’s definitely not easy– nothing worth doing is– but you can make it happen. It takes patience, conscious and consistent effort and, most importantly, self loving care. I’d love to help guide you on this journey.

 

If you’re ready to get laser focused on achieving your goals and dreams, let’s book some quality time together now. Warmly, Anita

 

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How to Face Fear, Imposter Syndrome and Do it Anyway!

 in coaching  tagged doubt / fear / imposter syndrome / self care / stress by

 

Guest Post

 

Excerpts by Harvest Collective Alumni Members, Lauree Ostrofsky and Lanie Smith

 

Is “hard-ness” a sign you should stop what you’re doing? Does chronic self-doubt, also known as imposter syndrome, make you feel like you’re spinning in circles like a hamster on a wheel?

 

We’ve all been there! You’re about to embark on something new. But doing new things usually means facing fear, doubt and “imposter syndrome.” Here are excerpts from two Harvest Collective alumni members that offer great tips on how to face fear, imposter syndrome and do it anyway.

 

 

Doing it Anyway When You’re Scared by Lauree Ostrofsky

Have you ever been so scared of failing you were frozen in fear? Me too. More times than I expected would happen.

Each time I felt that way I would wonder if it was a sign I should stop. Admittedly, I look for the easy path, the choices that feel natural, and most of the time it’s helpful. So when this is hard  happens I usually run for the exit while looking for reasons why the hard-ness is a sign. Because everything can be a sign, right?

If I’m trying to get it right all the time, how will I ever really go for it? How will you?

No wonder it felt so hard, I was swimming through get it right or else mud. I was scared to try anything because the stakes were so high if I got it wrong.

 

Keep Doing It Anyway the next time you’d rather hide in fear.

Not knowing if you’ll get it right means you could fall or knock it out of the park. Either way you still get the love, respect, belonging from people you trust, including me. Time to jump off a jungle gym!

Read Lauree’s full post >>

 

 

Imposter Syndrome: Embrace the Terror Barrier by Lanie Smith

I’ve had a long history of discounting my strengths in order to magnify my shortcomings.  This only led to me feeling like a complete fraud, not only in art-making, but in most endeavors. Starting my own business not only brought all of my self-doubt to the surface, it became a true test of my commitment to stay the course even when I had no idea if I could really handle such responsibility.

Chronic self-doubt, also know as the imposter syndrome, kept me striving like a hamster on a wheel.  Luckily, I have learned to thank that voice of doubt kindly for trying to protect me from ridicule or harsh critique and proceed anyway.

 

The trick is to do it anyway. Do it scared, expect the fear, and keep your eye on the end goal.

 

Ignoring your fear may work temporarily, but with the actual acknowledgment of fear, you now gain the chance to go beyond rather than get stuck unknowingly. Once you have acknowledged your fear, it is important to show gratitude for that instinctual and protective part of you that is hard-wired to avoid pain, embarrassment, and danger.

It makes sense that we would not want to risk public ridicule as we are biologically set to remain a part of the pack rather than separated from the tribe, but we are no longer a tribal culture.  We can survive without the approval of everyone as long as those closest to us continue to support and encourage us.  More importantly, we don’t need to win the acceptance of the mass majority if we have our own commitment to stay true to ourselves first and foremost.

Read Lanie’s full post >> 

 

Want even more tips on what to do when fear comes knocking? Click here >>

 

 

 

About Lauree:

Lauree Ostrofsky, PCC, CPC is an author, speaker, coach and hugger with SimplyLeap.com. She helps women spend less time worrying about what everyone else thinks, and more time figuring out what they really want to do. Her books, “I’m scared & doing it anyway” and “SIMPLY LEAP,” are available on Amazon and Kindle, and in select stores nationwide.

 

 

 

About Lanie:

 Lanie Smith, MPS, ATR is a Registered Art Therapist and founder of Integrative Art Therapy in Phoenix, AZ as well as co-founder of Theheartmattersretreat.com. She specializes in anxiety, depression, burnout, compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, disordered eating, body image, emotional discord, and relationship conflict. She also supervises and consults other therapists, leads trainings on the ethical use of art in therapy and offers workshops and retreats.

 

 

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How to Live with Doubt

 in coaching  tagged anxiety / coaching / doubt / fear / self care / self help / stress / stress management by

 

 

by Anita Mambo Cohn, LCSW 

 

Enter doubt! You start to feel discouraged, you are uncertain or feel a lack of conviction. You want to get rid of these feelings for good and get kick doubt to the curb forever! Can you? My take on it is NO! But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Keep reading…

Some might believe that you can rid yourself of doubt for good, but we are in fact creatures of emotion. I’m going to be real with you and tell you that, for most of us, doubt will not disappear forever – and that believing you’ll ever achieve 100% self-confidence is setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s not realistic, my dears to hope to live a life without doubt.

Doubt waxes and wanes, depending on our moods, our current situation, whether we’re being triggered by a past experience, whether we’re feeling challenged, or whether we are attempting something new. Even the most confident people in the world feel vulnerable and doubtful every now and then.

Having doubt is NORMAL! It makes sense for us to question and to be afraid of the unknown – it’s a way of protecting ourselves. So don’t beat yourself up for doubting. Instead, focus on taking care of yourself. Acknowledge it, feel it, cry it out, tell yourself it will be okay, stay connected to loved ones, and KEEP GOING.

 

The best way to challenge doubt is to stay in the game. It’s hard to do it, but it will make you stronger.

As we’ve discussed in previous posts, entering into unknown territory is what helps us grow, change and blossom into our best selves. Sometimes we won’t feel 100%, 75%, or even 25% assured, but that’s okay. Come to terms with this and accept that the outcome is unknown, give it a shot and, if it doesn’t go according to plan, roll with it.

 

Still need some convincing? Let’s recap what you’ll gain by doing new things. You will:

  • Learn
  • Get Stronger
  • Grow

 

Doubt is part of our journey- we need it. Questioning ourselves helps us grow, find our conviction, or change our course.

 

So why not try saying “bring it on” to doubt? Learn to live with it, and KEEP GOING. I’ll be there right alongside with you.

 

 

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“Making it” Sounds Scary…I’m Not Sure I Want That!

 in coaching  tagged anxiety / coaching / fear / follow your dreams / making it / self care / self help / stress / stress management / success by

 

By Anita Mambo Cohn, LCSW

 

You’re feeling excited about pursuing your passions and dreams! You’re working it, getting stuff done and making progress. But then your inner critic shows up.

 

She says: “Making it?” Wait, that sounds scary! I’m not sure I want that!”

I want to follow my dreams, but what will this mean? I want to be successful, but I don’t want to get too big or too overwhelmed! I don’t want people to think I’m full of myself. And I definitely don’t want to look arrogant- there’s a fine line between confident and ego obsessed…what if I’m crossing it?

 

How do you keep going even though you’re scared?

 

Remind yourself that YOU are in charge (not your fears). YOU get to DECIDE …

  • How much you want to be seen.
  • Which communities you want to belong to or connect with.
  • Whether to be a one-woman show, partner up, hire an assistant, or run your own team.
  • What priorities are important to you. Full-time, part-time, side project, you name it.
  • What success means.
  • To change your mind if the direction you are going in just doesn’t feel right.

 

Experimenting helps you figure things out, so don’t spend too much time beating yourself up about lost time. 

 

YOU get to make all the decisions about how to go about following your dreams. So get to it, and don’t let your inner critic convince you that it’s too scary!

 

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When Fear Knocks at Your Door

 in coaching  tagged anxiety / coaching / fear / self care / self help / stress / stress management by

fear knocks

 

 

by Anita Mambo Cohn, LCSW

 

You are getting geared up to take that step and make that change and then boom, boom, boom, you hear FEAR knocking at your door. And your stomach starts churning, and your heart starts racing, and the knocking is loud and it’s distracting. So you go to the door and you let her in, and she takes a seat next to you! And you think, “why didn’t I just tell her I was busy?”

She’s whispering in your ear, and she won’t stop talking, and you CAN’T FOCUS!

 

 

Then she starts to ask the WHAT IFs:

What if you fail?

What if you’re not good enough?

What if they don’t like you?

What if you succeed?

What if you get too busy?

What if things change?

What if you have to work even harder?

What if you don’t make enough money?

What if you don’t like it after you do it?

What if you’re not real or authentic enough?

What if you’re a fraud?

What if you are just wasting your time?

What if this idea has already been done before?

What if you’re doing exactly what someone has already done?

 

She’s taking up a ton of space and she’s hovering, and you can’t think! You’ve forgotten what excited you, and why you thought this was a good idea in the first place, and time flies by, and you feel stuck, so you take a break from this thing that is so hard. You browse social media, check your email, and you start doing the laundry and she’s still there, and now it’s dinnertime, and she wants to stay overnight.

 

“Why didn’t I tell her to come back later or to go away?” “Why won’t she give me a break?,” you ask. “What do I do now that she’s here? ”

 

Instead of trying to get rid of FEAR, what would happen if you let her stay? What if you acknowledged that she’s your friend, and she’s worried about you, and she cares and she wants to advise and protect you? And what if you were to tell her you value her feedback and that her opinion matters?

 

Why not let FEAR say her piece? Why not let her express herself so she feels her concerns are heard? Why not allow her to give you the information you may need to see the whole picture?

 

Listen intuitively, but don’t let FEAR paralyze you and silence you into submission. Keep the conversation going.

 

Tell her all reasons you’re doing this thing you want to do!

I’m inspired

I want to make a difference

I want to feel a sense of accomplishment

I want to connect with others on a deep level

I want to follow my heart

 

“Here’s what could happen if I don’t do it,” Fear, you say.

I will feel unfulfilled

I will always wonder what if

I will regret not trying

I will have to keep doing what I’m doing forever

I will stay the same

I will stay safe

I will be still

I will let be letting you control me

 

“WAIT, but you have other things standing in your way,” says Fear!

You have to a job!

You have to take care of so and so!

You don’t have any training and experience in this area!

You don’t have any time!

You’ve never done this before!

 

“Yes, Fear this is true,” you say. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t work around this!”

 

So you ask yourself how can I work around this? Perhaps, rather than pretending that there are no barriers or challenges, you could accept them as realities. And you turn them into questions that have possible answers and solutions!

 

How can I schedule time around my job?

Who can help me take care of so and so?

How can I get the training and experience I need?

How can I get support from family, friends, coworkers or community?

Hmm–wait a minute– how can I be good at something if I’ve never done it before?

 

You realize it won’t be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is! So you prepare yourself for the challenge.

 

What will I discover if I try something new?

What will I learn if I fail and it doesn’t go according to plan?

How will I grow stronger from doing something hard?

 

So the next time FEAR knocks on your door, let her in, but remind her that you’ve already heard what she had to say, you need her to hang out in the next room, and you’ll let her know when you’re ready to talk.

 

“Thanks for coming to visit,” Fear, you say, “but I’m busy right now. I am working on this thing that I wanna do and I need the space and time to do it!”

 

 

I’d love to hear from you! Scroll down to share your thoughts and feedback in the comment section below.

 

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